I got now, I dont care whos got next!
The other day I was stopped on the street by an Ultra Orthodox Jew with his 3 children by the Eaton Centre. He asked if I were Jewish, his eyes seemingly lighting up on my approach. I said “no” and continued on my way but turned to my companion and said “Mazol-Tov bitches!”
Typically my Jewish friends don’t accept my partial Jewish ancestry and dance around singing things like “Gentile, gentile, there’s only one part that matters” while snipping their fingers like scissors and waddling side to side in a slow and what I can only assume traditional Jewish shimmy.
First of all; I’m pretty sure they use a scalpel and secondly you’re an asshole! Anyways, I wouldn’t give up my foreskin for anything, shit this thing could stop a bullet not to mention the additional benefits of prolonged endurance and auxiliary bladder if you pinch it right. Plus your dancing sucks.
In any event it was a nice, if not strange validation.
Lecheim!
Labels: bad friends, tender tender flesh
Setting fire to sleeping giants
Up until this point I though sadness was violent. Drinking blood and breathing fire violent. Tantrums resulting in bloody fists and broken glass violent. Vowing revenge as you’re dragged away in handcuffs violent. Enduring years of prison sex just to make a point violent.
Quite the opposite is true. My phone hasn’t rang in days.
Labels: bad friends, bored, going crazy, uncontrollable urges
I tremble
I feel like my sternum is split and splayed like oysters yawning open and exposing themselves like ripe genitals, quivering deliciously reserved to inhale, engulf,indulge -tensing as your breath falls upon them. Throw your head back and let that salty flesh slide down your throat. Wipe your sloppy lips, salvage your dignity and apply serviettes to your dripping chin, to your bleeding heart, to your venomous grin.
Help, I’m alive.
Labels: bad friends, unceremonious
Juliet: when we made love you used to cry
Comfort comes in strange forms, it can be laid out in front of you, kinked and creased and you can spread out like old maps in dusty libraries. I could run my palms over topography lines, and outdated destinations; I could trace the outlines of misguided vacations kept firmly under my thumb. You can curl your hands around the small of its back and nuzzle its soft neck. Regret is easier to handle when it comes in the form of a silk wrapped blond. We could turn the music up to drown out the sound of the self doubt ringing in my ears; we could turn the music up to feel the bass throb as we grow closer.
We could spin on empty dance floors; we could lie to each other in silence; we could betray ourselves with simple disingenuous glances. We could stab blindly at silhouettes and curse what substance we know of each other. Intent is a funny thing, subtlety is biting and I hope it leaves wounds. Because if I were to leave an indelible mark on you I wouldn’t want it to come from my hands. Because just to spite myself I just pulled my teeth and found a new word for everything.
Juliet; the dice was loaded from the start.
Labels: bad friends, tender tender flesh
You, appearing.
On a roof top patio in Montreal recently I sat and watched as the only modern crush I’ve ever had systematically dismantled me. I rarely truly fall, tempted certainly, but never reduced to this. So as words failed me she leapt upon the ever increasing power differential and exploited my vulnerability. Her nostrils flared at the smell of blood as it came pouring out of me; through my hemorrhaging eyes that couldn’t meet hers for the shame, my silence pouring giant red waves into her ears as she listened to her barbs separate flesh from bone. She struck, and she struck harder. I always preferred blunt instruments, I see she did too. Carefully and recklessly bludgeoned the fuck out of my heart that I was foolish enough to expose.
I remember thinking how did she gain this leverage? And why is it that I’m less concerned with my absence of power as a political tool and just totally engrossed in every word that crossed her teeth. I would never treat her this way. Miscalculation burns. The only solace left to take on that cold and empty roof was knowing that because of her tremendous anger towards me, that at least at one point, she must have cared about me too.
Labels: bad friends, tender tender flesh, travel
“It’s always important to preserve the foil”
That is what my brother said to me last night in a dream. We were elevated on the second story of a house or barn, looking down at those who would surely arrest me. He said this as he passed me a jacket which I just sort of knew was a costume to wear while doing bad things. I have this dream all the time; I knew what to do…
My perplexed reflection on the sentence indicated that by reinforcing negatives about your character it provides a sharper relief to those good qualities that shall surely free me from my oppressors. So I donned the brown suede jacket with fluffy lambs wool stuffing bulging from the collar, fastened the big round buttons and dashed off to have my innocence illuminated against the harsh juxtaposition of intolerable behavior.
I was seized immediately.
Labels: bad friends, little thoughts
Historically, I tend to hate you.
“In the not so distant futures” aside, going crazy isn’t as fun as you might think. I cried a lot about my grandma recently. Don’t worry I managed to milk a hug out of one half of a set of twins that I’m crushing on. Even in despair I got my eye on the prize. Although I mustn’t have looked very cool, eyes red and puffy while trying to bat my eyelashes in a meager attempt to have her notice their lusciousness.
Got madder then I can ever remember, and it did something to me. An unassociated gush of emotion that I had sequestered came out at the most inopportune of times. Crowded rooms and flashing lights didn’t help; enemies lurking in every corner trying to have couched conversations about irrelevant things didn’t either.
Fuck you doctors who suck at your jobs. Fuck you shitty cousins and know it all aunts who descend upon my house with stuff to fill the freezer.
Spinach pie aint gonna help no one right now...
Labels: bad friends
...lets not try to figure this out all at once...
So it’s been about a week and a bit since my tragic encounter with Cindy in that convenience store, and I’m still puzzled as to what to do. I have her card after 5 years of longing for way to reach her. I’ve sat down a few times and attempted to email her but never found the words. And I seem to be okay with that. Maybe I’m just glad to have the ball in my court for the 1st time. I could rip it up if I wanted, I really could. Maybe I'll just keep it in my wallet for a little longer...
Labels: actual stuff, bad friends, uncontrollable urges
Anger will pass, as will the world you know
It appears my friends are ill equipped to handle a zombie apocalypse.
To help them I’m providing them with a helpful list as compiled by anti-zombie warrior Max Brooks.
1. Organize before they rise
2. They feel no fear, why should you?
3. Use your head, cut off theirs
4. Blades don’t need reloading (take that Graham!)
5. Ideal protection = tight clothes and short hair
6. Get up a stair case, then destroy it
7. Get out of the care and onto a bike
8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert
9. No place is safe, only safer
10. The zombie maybe gone but the threat lives on.
This isn’t some stupid list, it’s been battle tested and takes into consideration outbreaks regardless of type, durations or locale.
Graham- Your fool hearty ways will visit disaster on the rest of the group. My suggestion is to use him as a decoy.
Janice- You’re greatest strength is also your biggest weakness. Good call on being a vegetarian, fresh, healthy meat will be hard to come by. But unfortunately (?) you don’t have the killer instinct
Jason- You’re a good problem solver but you’re stubborn. I’d say it’s because you’re from Alberta, but I think you all are.
Zita- My money’s on you. You’re resourceful, and your size works for you. You can fit into small places and require minimal food to heat and energize you.
Best of luck to all of you, but fortune doesn’t favour the bold in this case. There’s only one goal. To survive.
Labels: bad friends, zombies
Lets call it a total eclipse of the heart.
I feel like a hypocrite but like a blood red moon that you only see its true shattered surface once something blocks it and it is caste into total darkness do I exhibit it. Only when something is between us and I'm dropped into the bowels of dispair can you really see its crushing manifestartion in me. Bottomless craters of guilt with smouldering pools of resentment, brewing hostile and disingenuous keep us apart. I hate that you can hurt me at a distance but when you do it's like swimming against 100 foot surges of God's good ocean gone wrong. Gravitational pull tear me apart.
Labels: bad friends, litle thoughts, science-ish
It's only a matter of time before we meet again.
When the smoke gets in your eyes, do you trust in me? Because we all wander out in the night..."I remember these
lines, I remember thinking them at the farm, smoking behind the barn. We were young, so young that we hid our smoking from our parents. Yet we were in love. We'd curve around the shed, jostling in the muddy ruts of the soft spring ground. In a borrowed truck, with a lucky bounce of having the right cd at the right time.
I wish I could believe alot of what you said, I mean, who misses a funeral? I know what things mean, and I know your fears, years later my fears are the same. Its always spring when we meet in my memory, snow clutches curbs outside your house and small streams of melting water cut jagged unseen scars beneath the banks suspending the ice above the pavement. I talked about getting a part time job then as I balanced on them, I talk about getting a part time job as I write this now.
I wanted to drop out of school then, I have since. I've always wondered what you wanted. You never told me, you started once and I turned up the radio. You were quiet for the rest of the drive, you were quiet for the rest of our relationship.
From: Forgetful ex girlfriend
To: el chupascabras
Sent: Feb 20, 2008 2:14 PM
Subject: I'm sorry
Jace, for whatever reason I thought that grandma jean's thing was this coming saturday. I feel like shit and am really upset that I wasn't there. It's my fault and I'm so sorry. I just figured that because I didn't hear from anyone it wasn't until this sat...please tell ur parents I'm sorry.
T
Your words leave marks. Your actions break bones. But I can't help but forgive you.
Labels: bad friends, kill yourself-suprise your friends, tender tender flesh
