Thursday, March 22, 2007

Time to get right

Its true life is getting boring, all happiness and no controversy sure make for a bad combo. I’m desperate for material, but I really don’t want to resort to a post about how “girls are like apples” or all 10 verses of my favorite Meatloaf song. I’m due for a vacation, a wild and crazy time, full of drunken sex and sunburns.

Yeah Australia was good for that, complete with coral growing in my feet, or hostels in Europe, with their cold and dirty showers. Hell I’d even take Florida right about now. Yes I’m excited about moving to Ottawa, and yes a million things await me there. But I’m ready for balls out, no laundry; waking up regretting whatever the hell it was I did/ate/slept with last night and doing it all over again the next night.

I like being afforded the opportunity to be whatever the hell I want and discovering there’s nothing cooler than being good old El Chupacabra, just in another country drunk on new wine.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

I'm off to see the wizard...soon

I think I’m moving to Ottawa this summer. I’m gonna leave behind my stank ass apartment that smells like the bike shop below it. I’m gonna trek off to the nations’ capital full of idealism and try to change the world. Well actually I’m not to keen on that, I’m more looking forward to a summer of lethargy where you don’t have to walk very far to get anywhere. Hooray for small cities!

Now I just have to find someone to sublease my apartment to. Who the hell would be dumb enough to take it? Hell I didn’t sign the lease; maybe I’ll just bounce and screw the landlord. There’s nothing I love more then shucking responsibility, or having the foresight not to be contractually bound by anything! In your face you stupid contract people!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Steve, is this shit true?

According to Scientific America the Sun is expected to have more solar flares this year then in the past 1000 years combined. The effect is trillions of neutrinos and other sub atomic particles flooding our atmosphere. Although there is no physiological effect that we are expected to endure aside from the occasional high UV day, scientists have becoming concern with the rapid depletion and expulsion of the sun’s precious neutrinos.

For those who don’t know what a neutrino is, it’s a microscopic orb of angry little energy. It’s the stuff that puts a twinkle in your eye or makes your ears steam when you’re mad. Scientists have begun to worry that the intensity of the sun will diminish thus resulting in colder winters etc. Economists have suggested that the commoditization of these sub atomic particles will assist in stopping the sun from flooding the market with them. If they are able to retain their residual value and composition of equal positive and negative ion, there is less chance that their devaluation will result in excess supply, thus insuring stability in the neutrino market.

The scientific community is split on the subject, but some are hedging their bets by buying up neutrino futures. However this has created a volley of securities investigations for insider trading, further destabilizing the industry. China is pissed too!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

And I swear that I just breathed Napoleon in….

So now that I’ve recaptured my happy disposition, I’ve begun to see monsters again. The most enterprising of them selling cheap goods on the streets, others creep into my room at night and sit at the end of my bed. It’s a happy reunion and I consider it a bit of vindication to be honest.

There is currently a divide forming in the horror/sci-fi community and I have been under attack lately. Certain elements within the community have been over-sensualizing the zombie genre by equating sex to gore, to the point that they’ve almost become interchangeable. I have rigorously stated that the two are independent functions of separate drivers and not everything is a mirroring of popular cultures fixation of consumption. So the lines have been drawn, I attribute genuine human characteristics to them, others claim zombie actions are merely a reflex to the surrounding environment, and that they exhibit no independent or critical thinking of their own.

I am happy that some notable and influential monsters have come to my side in support of my position and I thank them for their words of encouragement.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Seperate the Magnets

For me at least the cold makes me hunch up my shoulders, tuck my chin to my chest and shuffle my feet as I race home to get inside. It cramps up my whole body. It’s very stressful on my spine and tires out my neck and shoulders. I feel like an old man. It’s oppressive and adds to my poor disposition. But now that it’s 8 degrees I have none of that. I’m so relaxed as I stroll, it feels like I don’t have a care in the world. I skip around like my cool, hip, cocky self again. I rock out to songs in my head that I heard last spring and the spring before that, and the one before that. I’m about 10 years back now, back to when I was pumping gas in my hometown and had the trunk of my hatch back open blaring Grade's “Conceptualizing Theories In Motion.” I’m laughing in a nihilistic way “there’s nothing worth dying for…” I don’t feel that way at all but man does if feel great to sing it. No attachments, nor worries, just good posture and no shivering!

I walk around like I own the place, like I’m a poet with a big dick. And nothing brings back you joie de’vivre like knowing that.

Monday, March 12, 2007


Man I feel nostalgic, and I’m loving every second of it. It’s still jacket weather but it’s so warm and fresh, even in a stank-ass city like Toronto. Maybe it’s because I just emerged from a hyper medicate and vertical marathon, and my lungs are still burning as I suck in the cool breeze. It’s not like spring has arrived or the city has transformed itself, if anything it getting uglier, black snowdrift, an entire winters worth of garbage slowly being reveled. Branches that were too heavy with wet snow now litter the park by my house and wallow in noxious rivers of brackish runoff.

Yet despite this post apocalyptic appearance, Toronto is beautiful. People are cheery; the sun is high on the horizon. It’s almost patio weather, and before you know it I’m thinking about baseball. I wish I could run my hands over all the surfaces that have been hidden these many months. Park benches, tree bark, flower planters, feel the world that for so long was insulated by thick gloves and hostile snow.

Maybe it’s the Sudafed but I feel like I should skip work, grab a Globe and Mail and read in the sun.

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