Saturday, April 14, 2007

Yeah blog metrics

Building on the success of my girlfriend who authored a genre-bending report about female participation on the blogospher, I thought I’d dissect my own readership. There’s a couple of interesting things.

They hate reading on weekends. I think that most of my readers must work because they log on during work hours throughout the work week. I guess I’m okay with the fact that I can’t compete with their leisure time, but boy am I stoked about being viewed at the expense of their employer! Take that companies!

24.08% of my readers are pissed off by the fact that I don’t report on up to date El Chupacabra sightings. Too bad for you suckers! If you’ve already seen one and are searching for others with similar experiences you’re already dead. Because if Chuppy doesn’t get you, it’s a bad omen of things to come.

0.18% of my readers were searching the word “labia” on google and came across my site. That’s the same percentage of viewers who found my site by searching my best friend’s name. Also interesting, my best friend searches for labia all the time, and sadly he gets it zero percent of the time.

My profile pic of little kids smoking is almost as popular as anything I write. 46.72% of those who view my sight is because they did a google images search of that pic. Take that little kids, as if the lung cancer you’re bound to get by smoking at age 7 isn’t bad enough, people like my stupid blog more than you.

I’m a hit in Latin American countries. Well sort of….actually I’m bigger in Europe, to be honest, but those stuck up fucks are visiting for the wrong reasons, like whenever I post about enlightenment philosophers and talk about feelings. Who searches that shit? Type in “giant douche is always confused” and you’re bound to find my blog. Those vatos down in Latin America got it right; they find my blog when I talk about monsters and human sacrifice, that’s my best shit anyways.

Only one person has ever found my blog by searching zombies, I’m disappointed to be honest. As the worlds foremost expert on the paranormal, a lot of my time is spent discussing the Undead, and unfortunately I attract these pissy Europeans looking for advice on love, or people who misspell parts of the female anatomy.


At 6:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not even sure how I get here...


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