Thursday, September 14, 2006

After a little bit of digging at the local library I came across an interesting document…

Articles of Succession from Heaven:

Henceforth, the undersigned, shall be entitled to the following in accordance with the celestial judiciary, whereby, this agreement shall be abided by and the articles contained within said document considered paramount in any and all courts, be it resolved that one third (1/3) of the inhabitant of the kingdom of heaven shall,

i) Be given freedom of mobility out of, but not back into Heaven and;

ii) Absolute control of the fowls of the air and beasts of the ground and;

iii) The right to levy taxes on human souls, and collect by any means deemed necessary be it torment, distress or even death and;

iv) Be granted exclusive territorial claim over Southern United States, Haiti, North Korea and;

v) Be extended invitation to sit on any and all boards of multinational corporations, UN security councils, and the panel of judges of American Idol and;

vi) Reserve mineral rights and resource extraction permits to all points on earth to the determent of human, animal or ecological life, and;

vii) Observation of all land tenements both dominant and subservient that has been or may be decide upon at a future date, that are both an impediment to the rational functioning of municipal affairs and obfuscating the interstellar bureaucracies, and;

viii) The sole possession of the planet of Saturn as accorded under the Roman law

ix) Absolute control over all destructive forces of nature, and the right to claim responsibility for environmental disaster rendered by practices of man which are detrimental to supporting life on earth;

x) The right to erect places of worship and invent false religions and customs so as to confuse, distract or fuck with humans.

xoxo Lucifer and friends


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