Monday, August 21, 2006

For Immediate Release
Aug 21st Proclaimed Día de los Muertos!
Disrtict Federale, Mexico

It is with great relief that The Government of Mexico confirms the death of the dreaded Chupacabras. The Mexican ministry of zoology in conjunction with the U.S. state department has conclusive evidence that the creature that was killed in Maine last week is in fact the Chupacabras. This confirmation comes from the reconciliation of dental impressions left on animal corps from around the country and from the carcass of the beast itself.

When it’s DNA was processed through the UNES database, no matches were found for either genus or species, further confirming that this is in fact a demonic being not related to any known creature on earth. Autopsies reveled the contents of the beast stomach. Contents include cat, chicken, and of course goat.

News of the death of El Chupacabras had been cause for celebration as parades and fiestas have swept the nation. The Mexican Government wishes to commend its noble people, who throughout the ages had withstood the viscous attacks. Schools and Government offices have taken the day off to join in the festivities, and Aug 21st will henceforth be known as la Día de los Muertos.

The traditional Día de los Muertos will still be observed on the 31st of October, however due to the magnitude of such an event El Presidente, has submitted a bill to the senate to have this an official annual holiday. "Finally this scourge upon our people has been defeated, and I must recognize the resoluteness of the Mexican people, who for centuries have been have been terrorized by this monster" Fox said.

An emergency joint meeting of the Andean Community and MERCOSUR has been called to discuss the burial place of El Chupacabras. Mexican foreign dignitaries have been lobbying hard to have the remains placed in the Mexican Museum of Natural History, as Mexico is widely regarded as the place of origin of El Chupacabras.

For more info contact:
Claudio Abruja
Tel. 011/52/55/5/ 208-0874,
Fax: 011/52(55) 208-0874,
Tokio 7 - H, Col. Juárez, México, D.F.


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