ghosts & admissons

Take a minute...

I’ve figured out a perplexing issue that has plagued mankind for ages. The secret to immortality, well sort of. Its not contained in a serum, or a fountain it has more to do with geography. I will compare and contrast two groups of people and we’ll see the difference between them. The first group; Intuits, the inhabitants of the far north. It is thought that due to the harsh environment and extreme conditions that they would not live long lives. This was supported by the compilation of scientific evidence, which documented the average life expectancy, which in itself is rather low. However this isn’t the case. It is a long standing Inuit tradition, that once an elder reaches the age where they become a burden on their family they are put on an ice floe and sent off to expire while being one with the land/ice that supported them all these years. Since the Inuit people are highly mobile due to the need to always search for food, these old timers slow them down. Sure this has implication, when a baby is born with no teeth, which of course always the case, they stand around wondering what the hell is wrong with it. Its because there no elders left to tell them “don’t worry…it’s okay”

Anyways, finally one elder Inuit opted out of this ritual, and the results were astounding. Initial finding conclude that life expectancy has more to do with the latitude at which you reside and not the conditions of that environment. Every year the earth rotates a total of 365 times, everyone knows that, but the axis at which it rotates provides different amounts of pressure on living beings at different points across the globe. As well the earth rotates once around the sun each year, further intensifying this pressure or “galactic drag coefficient” as I like to call it. Anyways, those living in the far north have less of this “GDC” imposed on their body each year resulting in remarkably lower stress on the bones, joints and muscles. This is because in each year the point at which they live is moving slower and covering less distance during the rotation. All these contribute to a stronger constitution able to perform difficult duties like chasing caribou or living in snow banks.

Transversely, the second group, those living along the equator, have a much larger quantity of GDC to endure. This report has stated that the effect of galactic drag is a larger contributing factor to early death then war and disease. This flies in the face of conventional thinking, but according to the research at Rjkvblanatik-Vrasaghlok University it is conclusive evidence of the main factor in determining life expectancy. The lessons that can be learned from this is in order to combat Galactic Drag Coefficient one must move to the far north and live out your many, many, many days running after baby seal and building snow forts.

posted by El Chupacabra @ 11:58 AM