ghosts & admissons

Don't worry, it gets better

A little less than 24 hours after writing that last post I found myself on a beach on Vancouver Island. I just spent the past ten days in B.C. and I couldn’t help but laugh at myself. Touché I suppose. So there I was on Christmas day under a weak sun that seemed to be setting too soon, watching the tide drag my foot prints back into the ocean. The entire nature of the trip and the way it came about helped me recapture a bit of what I’ve been missing- spontaneity. It was a last minute sort of thing and before you know it, there I was; musing about how the past year has altered me in terms of my ability to roll with the punches.

Everything is so calculated in Toronto, the political climate is feverish, posture and position weigh too heavily on my mind. But only in B.C., among the smell of cedar and beneath low hanging clouds that cling to mountainsides with their anti-gravitational wonder, did I realize it. I knew something was wrong, like I strayed to far from what I wanted to become. And there, thousands of miles from home it was all too apparent that the popping of my ears while descending a mountain meant something. A throw back to myself in 2002 or ‘03 maybe. A time when I shuffled through parking lots bored and nostalgic and ate $2 reverse steaks just so I could feel just like this. The moment I first realized that the world is limitless, wherever you want is just a day away and it’s my turn to visit it.

I’m still on those $2 steaks, but accompanying the nausea and disappointment at my lack of dietary prudence is something far more subtle.

posted by El Chupacabra @ 2:33 PM