Monday, February 18, 2008

like a hiding sun...but it's almost summer

It’s been almost two months since the death of my grandmother and I can’t seem to write about it. I can’t really deal with it either, I’ve avoided it as much as possible, letting a single tear slip occasionally before burying myself in my work again. I attended the ceremony, listened to the music, got pissed off, and resented the people who stuck around to eat after.

I’ve been staying at her place a lot, sleeping in her bed, using her toothbrush, watching the plants wither then watering them back to health. I thought about all the things I didn’t tell her and it makes me mad, first that I have unfinished business and secondly at myself for thinking of myself as she died.

I was too far away, and I’ve refused to accept the guilt yet. I’m already eyeing her TV, thinking how it would look good in my new apartment; my attempt of moving on without ever havening dwelled on it in the first place.



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