How will we know what to forget?
Had drinks with this girl last night. We had a long and curious history that would allow our hands to shake and our eyes to burn across the table from one another. Her smiles were more like ticks; her lips would curl and just as quickly return to their customary form as if only to acknowledge that human emotion should be inserted there and nothing more. Her eyes were evasive and they gave me pause, her excuses piqued my interest but ultimately the whole exchanged seemed forced. We talked about French horns or about how she wanted to move to a different city, it was really strange and we were done as soon as I had finished my first beer. She left half of her gin and tonic unfinished.
Moving on.
What’s so amazing about really deep thought?
It’s been raining a lot lately, I’ve never really been aware of weather patterns all that much. I do remember that one winter/spring/summer/fall and following winter that I spent locked up in my room looking out the window. I’d smoke til the fog in my room would match beyond my window, and I’d sit as the balance churned ugly around me. Then I’d crack the window and watch that balance slowly be ripped away. I’d keep it open until the pages of my newspapers would curl then finally stick together as the moisture would spread across my bedroom. I’d shiver in bed or watch the mosque across the street from above. Whatever the case I would fill beer bottle after bottle with wet cigarette butts while studying maps by monitor light. All the while smoking, smoking, smoking…
Guess who missed my birthday?
Labels: kill yourself-suprise your friends, litle thoughts, unceremonious
I’ve been re-reading the emails my Mom and Dad sent me while I was in Israel telling me about my grandma dying. I can also see it in my blog posts while I was there how it weighed on me. My mom would describe how the doctor explained that her systems were shutting down one by one and the physiology behind it. My Dad would speak of her eating patterns and how her personality slowly faded beyond recognition. I was full of hope despite the prognosis because she seemed animated on the calls but it was all for naught.
Apparently the doctors had given her the wrong sort of blood thinner and it had complicated thing and contributed greatly to her passing. I’ve had this bitterness ever since. I’m off my game, I’m terrible, I’m tense. I’ve been sucking my tongue until it swells and is too big for my mouth and I constantly bite it. I’ve started to drool, and it hurts my teeth as it pushed out against them.
My Grandmothers’ last wish was that if you had an argument with someone and bad blood remained that you would reconcile ith them. This one’s gonna be hard.
Who gives a fuck about an Oxford Comma?
One of the best summers of my modern life had to be 2006. I lived on the first floor of my crappiest apartment yet, above a mold infested grow-opp and under a raccoon nest on the border of Kensington and Chinatown. There was no public space and if you came over to my house there was nothing much to do but sit smoking out my window facing the brick wall opposite the small lane that lead to the scene of many a crime. There I would listen to my old metal C.D.’s, books and call sheets scattered at my feet, my stained and dusty mattress causing allergies.
I didn’t realize that I would be evicted in just a few short months and my roommates came and went. I didn’t cook once that summer, sometimes I’d re-heat something from New-Ho-King or I’d sneak down the street to meet someone at the Red Room and sit on the sidewalk eating discount soup and shooing beggars away from our pitchers of steam whistle.
So I write this because I found two of my old and transient room mates on facebook recently and we had a laugh about the few months we shared together.
Mozel Tov!
So all this blogging has paid off, I finally have two columns of my own!
Well sort of, ones under my bosses name in a quarterly Ontario construction report and the others in the trade magazine that my company publishes. So it’s either me or the receptionist who would have to do it.
In any case, I’m not publishing myself so I’m not a loser like that communist dance party asshole.
Yeah I said it, watch my hits go up.
Witness the thickness!
Alberta really looks like middle earth where sweeping planes filled with spinning oil rigs and heroic dwarves end in an impenetrable and gloomy border of giant mountains. It’s really weird, and as you approach you must endure these surging waves of hills that undulate and pulse as you ride them like tides toward the evil capital of Calgary.
Despite its medieval likeness; I still like Saskatchewan better for the time being.
This is bad news for animals...
I visited my grandmother’s grave for the first time this weekend. I didn’t even know that she was buried; sometime I wonder what the fuck my family is thinking. There is was, as per my mother’s directions, flat and rectangular three rows in and beneath the big black heart. Five years make a difference; my grandpa’s engraved details looked old above her precise incisions. It looked dusty but it wouldn’t wipe off, there were dried out flower in front and to the side, I wanted to remove them but where would I put them. Certainly not in my car, I wouldn’t want to steal them. An ugly little tree encroached upon them from a neighboring plot, and I wonder what my grandmother, the avid gardener would have thought.
It really sucked there.
Labels: actual stuff, unceremonious
Man this poison is great!
Tucked my friends in last night. I use to do this a lot.
I was the one who had to leave town because I left town. Coming back was never good, fights started right away, back dated awkward apologies followed current stumblings over the latest misunderstandings. Still I’d cruise by their homes late at night and pay my respects silently from their driveway.
Drive by apologies. I got it; and hoped that they someday would too.
“It’s always important to preserve the foil”
That is what my brother said to me last night in a dream. We were elevated on the second story of a house or barn, looking down at those who would surely arrest me. He said this as he passed me a jacket which I just sort of knew was a costume to wear while doing bad things. I have this dream all the time; I knew what to do…
My perplexed reflection on the sentence indicated that by reinforcing negatives about your character it provides a sharper relief to those good qualities that shall surely free me from my oppressors. So I donned the brown suede jacket with fluffy lambs wool stuffing bulging from the collar, fastened the big round buttons and dashed off to have my innocence illuminated against the harsh juxtaposition of intolerable behavior.
I was seized immediately.
Labels: bad friends, little thoughts
I feel like an idiot
I forgot the URL to my blog so I goggled it and found
thisI’ve been having trouble sleeping…maybe it’s the same thing. Where the hell is Chennai?
Forgot my glasses today, I’ve been squinting into my computer through my sunnies all day. Also got a package from Iceland; check it out
here.
Enjoy
